swekarin

On my way to KS for the scintigraphic scan. I don't find the scanning itself tough or scary, it's the results that is really making my brain race.....

I have been feeling good physically since the radiation and even mentally. I have been back at work, I have been spending a lot of time with my Lakrits, doing all the regular things that is part of daily life. All those things that makes me feel positive and happy.

Heading to KS these days are just not making me super excited. I have a big knot in my stomach....it is weird since I won't find out anything today. But I assume it is bc what I am doing today will lead to results. Results that I really can't effect. I hate it, hate it, hate it.
But I guess that is why I stay busy and positive the rest of the time, or
most times.

A coworker asked me yesterday how in the world I even manage to be at work or function or do anything, not cave in?!
Well, in some ways, I have to, to not go mentally insane. But also I have realized, that when I can and have energy, anything that makes my life feel as normal as possible, that is positive and good.

Both the healer and yoga that I have started practicing is talking about healing from within. And I realize very much that by doing things that makes me have good vibes and stay positive is sooo benicifical for my healing and well being.

But as you all know, it isn't easy. And I know if I "fall" when test results get back, I know that you are all out there to catch me, help me move forward some how. But I am so so so hoping that won't need to happen. I hope I will start delivering positive news in this blog soon!!