16:03:36
Unfortunately I can't bring positive news......
The cancer isn't gone......
The scintigrafi scan and the pet scan that I did after radodine treatment shows that the cancer has actually indicates a spread to a tiny tiny (2 mm small) spot in my left lung and to my 6th rib on the left. But where the tumour was located it looks good. Also, it is my blood value thyroglobulin that was high back in January which made the doctor send me for a PET scan that is still the same and very high (16 and should be below 1) which indicates cancer is still left. It is still high, 16.
So even if I did the the PET scan in January and they didn't see anything, the scintigraphy scan clearly shows (highlighted spots) that the cancer is in my left lung and also on a rib. Not by much but it is there and it has spread.
As I got it explained the spot in the lung is so small that one only can see it if you do this special scan with the iodine in the system.
The doc, who actually was really good today, told me to try to not loose my grip. It isn't good news but there are very good chances that with the next radiodine treatment it will go away. This will take place in August / September since it needs to go 6 months in between the treatments.
The doctor asked me if I wanted a specialist doctor, not necessarily a therapist, to talk to....I didn't hesitate for a second to get this help.......I'm crushed into a million pieces at the moment......
Immediately after the appointment I called my dear friend Lisa who has been the person who has gotten to endure all these negative news as the first
person since it all began in September last year. You are the best!! ❤️❤️❤️
Gosh, what would I do without you!?
We have talked and talked and she has tried to make me not totally fall to the bottom. Not the easiest thing to do at the moment......
I'm on my way home/ actually just got home and I'm going to do what I am really good at.....watch my
new favourite tv show, Reign. Take a nap, and then head out to see my dog.
Fuck you cancer!! I so had hoped for a positive post but it has to wait.....at the moment I don't now when and I don't know if it will ever be one.....
I am at in a dark sad place right now. So even if the doc says the next treatment will make me well again, I have some serious doubts.....yeah pessimistic like never before!
But today I will be sad, crushed, cry and be negative. Today it is ok, perhaps even tomorrow but then I must get myself together.
I tell myself to embrace the expression Carpe diem.....I am sure of that I won't be able to do that if I'm negative and pitying myself.
Yeah it sucks the entire fucking cancer ordeal. I won't deny that.....but right now, as Lisa and I concluded, I haven't gotten the verdict dying so why act or behave like I am!? I am sick, but not dying. Not that I know of at least.
I am just wasting precious time by surrounding me with negative attitude and pity myself. Nonetheless, emotions and feelings needs to get out of my system. And it is and will and shall....bit by bit, sometimes in larger amounts, other days in smaller amounts.
I am pretty good at dealing with tough mental crisis. Though, it won't always show but I am doing it my way. A way I know works for me bc I have been through too many rather large hick ups in my life since young ages to not know how to approach life crisis. I will start here until I get so see a professional psychologist.
But time to accept I lost another round will take time.....I hadn't expected this to be honest. Though, life is a rocky road, highs and lows. But I know I have so many 2-footed and 4-footed friends and acquaintances in my ring corner who will make sure I get up from this K.O.
I will try not to get bitter or pity myself but instead keep living my life like I have been for the last few months; positive and use Carpe Diem as one of my main mantras and assets! Be happy for what I am and what I have, enjoy each day for what it is.
#Fuck Cancer!
Läste just detta Karin.... Vad säger man??!! F-U-C-K