swekarin

But it isn't the treatment and the diet I dread....I dread the week after when I will do the scans and the week after that when / if I get the results! I am seriously panicing when I think about it, for real....too many unknowns right now. And it is so tough to try to stay focused on here and now. So much harder than I ever could think. 

For each week that goes by it means I am getting closer to treatment and perhaps some answers...I feel I don't wanna know the answers at the moment. 

One reason is bc I have a sensation on my left side, where the lung is....I have gotten this idea in my head that I can feel the cancer in my lung or if it is the rib and that can't be good. 

To be honest I have had this sensation prior to knowing of cancer. So I try to not make a big deal out of it.....

But yet again I come back to the annoying and frustrating feelings of not knowing any answers to anything at the moment..... 

So I have decided....

It is ok to be scared

It is ok to be sad and cry when ever I do

It is ok to be grieving that I have cancer

It is ok to only work 50% cuz i must gather energy and strength for the Fall

It is ok to only do things that really makes me feel good, positive and strong

It is ok to not feel 100% happy when I think I should

It is ok to envy people that are not sick in cancer

It is ok to dread that midsummer soon is here bc then it feels like summer is over

It is ok to put myself at first!

But 

It is not ok to pity myself

It is not ok to give up

It is not ok to have a bad attitude about my life situation

So plz give me strength, hope and faith in recovery bc right now I am not having the best time convincing myself it will be a positive outcome......