20:33:24
It's been a year.....
This week it's the week that marks its been a year since I got the results back that the lump on my neck was papillary thyroid cancer.
It's been a year, 365 days!
It totally has been a roller coaster, physically after surgery but the toughest part is emotionally/ mentally.
It's been 365 days of no real good news about my situation, bad test resultss, spread, more treatments. How do one tackle that?!
Sit down and cry?! Totally. Give up, heck no!! Even if I could want it certain days.....
It's been tough this year and the match sure is far from being over....
But I decided pretty fast that I should blog about it. For sure the blog has been a great support for me being able to share my "journey" as I have started to call it.
This blog has been giving me the strength many times to acually admit how I feel. But also instead needing to repeat how I feel, or where I am at in treatment to everyone I can just say, I don't want to talk about it today, read my last
post/ blog. Or when friends have read my blog and just gives me a great cheer, a text, send me an email, or gives me a phone call. ❤️
I haven't replied at all times since certain times I just can't deal with things, barely myself and my
emoticons. But the support in all ways have given me strength and faith to have a positive attitude, it is is the right way to look at it.
I have also tackled this year by spending a lot of time by
myself, with my best friend Lakrits, taking long long walks. But when needing, I have spent it or called friends I feel very secure, safe and comfortable with. You are so many who have given me positive energy and attitude, where I don't need to talk about my situation. We talk about everything but....
Alone time has given me a lot of time to think.....To think about life, death, cancer, and what is the point of this!? What am I supposed to learn from this?!
Been really tough since April when I got the news that the cancer had actually spread.....Loads of thoughts and warped feelings but I have actually never thought of why me?! I have never thought of just laying down and give up, I am not feeling bitter, I haven't gotten angry yet.....perhaps that is for this upcoming 365 days?!
Who knows what the future will bring. Noone knows. I am so trying to live with Carpe Diem in the back of my head, stay positive, stay focused on healing.
It is tough some days, I had a major break down this summer..... Something totally else made me break but I guess I needed it. My brain probably told me to stop for awhile, reflect, stand back, get a new perspective.
I had to stop what I was doing this summer when training my dog....I needed a step back. At the time I said I am quitting. I am not, I just changed focus. The point is, I just have such hard times to give up.....
So when it comes to these past 365 days I know for a fact that my stubbornness has paid off in my current life situation! I most likely will keep being beaten down a few more times from the ladder by this illness but I need to stay focused and just climb back up over and over again. Cancer doesn't give you the "luxury"of feeling relaxed, safe or giving up.....